Merstham - The Feathers

Post-lunch prandial!

Walkers: Farty and TB
Just a quickie lunch at The Feathers. Car parking is 'pay & display' where you get the first 3 hours free
(refund on your first order in the pub over £5. So no good for a walk, particularly as surrounding roads parking is restricted. 'Official' walk had been cancelled (Clat's hips no good) & we weren't intending to walk as Mon's uncle here from Toronto, but he went out for the day with a friend. We did a last minute 2 hour walk in some really nice countryside. Weather was overcast and quite near the M25/M23 so a bit of noise too. Didn't matter though 'cos we were out in the fresh air and walking!

Not many pics - a few air shafts serving the railway tunnels running through the hills on the main line from London on the way to the coast.

St. John's Redhill - The Plough

Tuesday 24th September

Redhill, Red faces, Red mist

Distance; 6 1/2 miles

Find of the walk; Broken crockery.  Sign of a recent Greek wedding Walkers:Eight legs, Farty, TB, Wind, and Mrs. P - lovely to see her after her stay in S.A.  We worry about her being eaten by a dangerous animal, but the nyalas couldn't eat a whole one.  Not even the petite Mrs. P!

 We parked up at The Plough which is a lovely pub bedecked with all manner of pots, hanging baskets, conifers on the roof (eh?).  Sue had brought Minnie, and said she was so excited she'd wet herself, and so had Minnie.  It was a misty start to the day, but the sun eventually broke through, and soon we were complaining about the heat.  Apparently this was a lollipop shaped walk with, dare I say, a number of hills.  Well I suppose it would be, what with Redhill, Reigate Hill, Cockshott Hill (leave it), Smoke Hill, Cronks Hill.  I can't get enough of them.  The hills were alive with the sound of our knees creaking, but we scaled them like gazelles.  Soon we were in Reigate Park

where the views were spectacular.  TB got talking to a sprightly elderly gent walking a scotty dog.  Minnie was intrigued.  She'd never seen a dog apparently on castors before.  The elderly gent quickly rattled off his life story to TB, including the fact that he used to be a marine.  World war 2? asked TB.  Actually no, he sniffed, I'm only 75.  Oops!  TB was looking particularly fetching today in a sky blue denim shirt.  Sue said it was a crow shirt.  I said I'd never heard of that make.  No she sighed, a Quo shirt, as in Status. I was having trouble with my Rs today!

Farty suggested we stop for a coffee break at Skimmington Castle, and we reluctantly agreed.  We sat outside waiting for opening time, (been there before).  Eventually the doors opened and a man emerged.  We assumed he was mine host and smiled at him hopefully. Nothing.  He was one of a party of what looked like golfers.  Well they were wearing Daks trousers.  Farty later heard one say, " Oh God, the whole place has been taken over by gels!".  Godfrey Bloom eat your heart out!  We got talking to a lovely elderly couple who asked what Farty's stick was for.  " It's for beating off men" she said menacingly.  They didn't hang around.  We pressed on.  It was quite hot now, and we stopped for a water break.  Farty and I gave Minnie a drink.  She was keen to drink straight from my bottle of water.  Much as I love her, I said I'd rather she didn't get her chops round the nozzle.  This remark reminded Farty of a porn film, more of which later.  Lovely houses to gawp at today, including Cockshott House, (no really, I'm not going there), which had a New Orleans look about it.  We immediately fancied a mint julip.  Doesn't take much.  Another house had a caterpillar shaped hedge.  Sue and Chris said their Grandad had been keen on topiary and had created a table and chairs scenario.  We couldn't believe this until we later saw a photo. Amazing.

Back at the pub, and it was lovely to see Sally.  She's got a flight on Monday on the new "Dreamliner".  In your dreams it's on time, we thought.  She's horrified that she's got to wear her uniform hat.  Makes her look like something out of the RAF.  "That hat's gone to her head, but at least it takes her mind of her bunions", said Chris cheekily.  Farty and TB had lunch here last week when the chips had been fab.  I thought I'd check them out, and they were OK.  The Lithuanian chef may have been having an off day.  Shame really, East Europeans are normally so clever with spuds.  Anyone who can make vodka from them gets my vote.  Mrs. P. had a pint of prawns, but they were so fiddly she wished she'd had a swift half.  Otherwise the food was good.

Over lunch we were discussing our middle names, and it seems we have a few in common with our first names.  Farty's is Wendy, Chris and Sally's is Patricia, and TB's is Susan.  Who'd have thought it?  Inevitably we progressed on to our porn names - first pet and mother's maiden name, or first address, and they are as follows:

Sue and Chris:Whisky Mitchell

Farty:Rickie Banfather

TB; Trixie Gavin

Me: Nicky Sutherland

and my own particular favourites:

Sally: Snoopy Biggs

Mrs. P:Toto Rafferty

And finally, (I know, thank God), Sue told us a disturbing story of the good old Airtours days when crew had to share rooms.  Clat would be horrified.  She was paired up with with one of their very few "good time gals", and there was a succession of gentlemen callers, with all sorts of shagnanigans going on.  It gets worse.  The twin beds had been pushed together.  Sue clung to the edge, donned earplugs and eye mask, and thought of England.  Those were the days!

Mrs. P., Farty, and TB, are away for the next 2 Tuesdays, so we may have a Clat-led walk if she's up to it after all the sangria.  TTFN. Wend xx

Walton on the Heath - The Duke's Head

Tuesday 10th September

Now We Are Six-Tee - Lil has joined the club!     Happy Birthday!
Walkers: Farty, T.B., 8 Legs, Windy, Lil and Clat.  Mrs P is out there looking at creatures in her front garden (better than her back passage), and Sally has just returned from a back to back and is now on it,
pushing out the zzzzzzzzs.
Distance: 6.84 miles
Loss of the Walk:  Lil's 60 Balloon

We gathered at Lil's chosen venue, and glorified in the glorious hanging baskets which adorn this pub.  A builder was busy loading up a skip, and T.B. was equally busy, unloading it, and placing the contents in his car.  Windy was worried that one of her gaiters had faded, until she realised she had it on inside out - it happens.
Finally, we set off.  The skies were blue and blustery, the sun was out, and Lil was attached to her balloon.  Across Walton Heath we went - we are finally getting the hang of this area, and knowing what track leads where.  When it comes to the other side of the road, we still manage to get a bit tangled in the undergrowth, and never pop out where we hope to.  One day we too shall crack this code.
Much dodging of la merde in la meadow, as big dogs obviously choose to let rip
here, and their loving owners take care not to clear it up.  We moved on, into the woods and along the edge of the merdeow towards a track which led towards civilisation.  We happened upon a herd of young cows with one lonely( or lucky) bullock in their midst. 

We came to a crossroads and veered off to the right, eventually coming to a bridge over the River M25.  We stopped at Colley Hill, admired the view, and popped the champagne cork - marvellous darling.  We were observed by some more cows - this time some Galloways but not the George m.p. version.  Photos were taken, merriment ensued, and we set off once again, eventually re-bridging the M25 and over into some woods.  Loads of berries and fruitfulness to be seen, and sampled, and some fores and againsts as we hit the golf course - calamity! Lil's attachment was missing, and none of us had seen her blow off.  Should we alert a.t.c., as her 60 balloon was somewhere up there?  We heard nothing, so assumed all was well in the skies - what a shame.

Over the Dorking Road - oh dear, a dead deer to behold.  Into the bushes we went and wended our way past some very posh houses on our final leg of our journey.  Windy showed us her gaff - Windycot, but she hasn't quite got round to buying it yet.  Moving on, up, and eastwards, we eventually made it to the pub.
Wendy, our wonderful landlady was much in evidence, and full of beans - a weird term for joviality and conviviality i believe, or ibuleve which is good for sprains.  Our fave table was sat at, and the excellent service ensued.  It's been far too long since our last visit, and no real reason why - but it certainly hasn't lost any of it's 'thing' for us.  Lil opened her presents, and the lunches were enjoyed soon afterwards.  Minnie was resplendent in her latest fashion accessory - a commando coat, with green sleeves and was very pleased with the odd dainty morsel coming her way.  Sadly, Farty and T.B. have lost one of their hens - Bianca, which I'm sure wasn't named after the character in Eastenders - more to do with her colour methinks.
We couldn't help overhearing a group of male golfers nearby, yakking on about a hole in one, then a prostate featured, followed by a kimono and zimmer frames, and this was while they were downing their holes in one with booze - the possibilities are endless.  Time for the bill, time to go, time to examine the skip once again, and to make for home.
Next week it's Farty's birthday walk - choice tba, so we wait with baited breath, kimonos and zimmer frames for the venue.  toodle loo

Holland - The Diamond

Tuesday 3rd September

A very pleasant walk with a surprise at the end!

A good pub was the surprise!

Redhill - The Joshua Tree

The 3 of us!

This is a shortened blog for only 3 walkers came, but we did 6 1/2 miles anyway. No grumbling from anyone!

Started at The Joshua Tree and headed west- for a there and back. First discovery was a new pub, The Plough at St Johns, Pendleton. we came to some fantastic properties with amazing views.

 Reigate Park. Greensand Way. Loop round a huge horsey complex. Slight diversion to Skimmington Castle for lunch. Very good pub for food & drink & service. Must go back!
For once we had lunch before finishing the walk, but it took only an hour to cover the remaining 2.6 miles! 7 3/4 miles in total.
Houses passed:

Stepstile Meadow

Staffhurst Wood - The Royal Oak

Tuesday 20 August

Make Hay While The Sun Shines

Walkers:  Farty, T.B. , 8 Legs, Windy, Lil and Clat

Distance: 6.25 miles
Seeing as how Farty has "gazillions of new walks" she wants to try, we find ourselves in this delightful neck of the woods.  A beautiful spot, quiet and rural, and full of walks.  We went clockwise - as they say on the M25, and were straight into peaceful and verdant (get that) woods.  Careful checking throughout this route as we don't want to get lost, and we meandered through some gorgeous countryside, the skies were blue, the sun out, big-time, and the harvesting was at its peak.  In fact we spotted several big bits of farming machinery, andJohn Deere certainly is spread thickly in these parts, which is probably what they will be doing afterwards, as it will soon be silage season - you ought to smell the pong where I live.  Moving on ...
Some of the farmers it seems, like to warn us that there is a bull in the
field, and to lock the gates, thus leaving very high stiles cum fences for us to climb over, and overgrown hedges  to be burst through. We did spot a cluster of cattle in one corner, but if the bull was in with them, he would be too knackered to do anything to us, but the speed with which Chris crosses these fields is worth a gold in anyone's book.  When sheep get bonked, it's called tupping, so this might be the true meaning of Tupperware parties.  Moving on again....
We spent most of our time on the Vanguard Way, which did catch us out once or twice, but due to our careful scrutiny, meant disaster was averted.  We found lots of pretty cottages and smallholdings, one of
which had some delightful pygmy goats and some coffee-coloured sheep ,
a sort of mocha mutton look - ha ha ha ha ha.
This pub shuts up shop at 3pm so we needed to get back pronto - and we did! The menu was not as varied as hoped, and most of us ordered Staffordshire oatcakes which were stuffed .  Quite stodgy and not that digestible either.  However, T.B. deemed his fish and chips as quite perfect, and Farty's steak pudding was fine.  We have decided to start scoring again:  Ambulance - 4, Food -3 (not that much choice, and no salads), Value For Money - 4, Service - 4.

So, that's it until next week - enjoy your bank holidays everyone.

Ashurstwood - Three Crowns

Ashurstwood - Three Crowns

Tues 13th August

Bottoms up.  The famous five go forth (plus Minnie). Title courtesy of Chris.

 

Walkers:Eight legs,Farty,TB,Wind

Distance:6 miles

Find of the walk: A kitchen sink!

We met up at the Three Crowns car park.  Farty and TB were slightly delayed due to roadworks.  No surprise there as most roads are being dug up at the moment.  

We were soon on our way and for once the weather was perfect.  Sunny,a few whispy clouds,not too hot,wet,cold,snowy.  Honestly,we don't ask for much.  All started well until we found ourselves struggling through a bramble infested footpath.  Farty has had a leg lassooed by one of these before,so we trod carefully.  Passing through a rather dilapidated farm we noticed a sturdy woman farmer chopping wood with a rather frightening machine.  We carefully skirted round.  On our return we met her again and Sue and Chris got chatting.  Turns out she used to breed poodles (well not personally) and she and  Sue and Chris had mutual friends in doggy circles.  Small world.  Chris's cow antennae were twitching,and sure enough there was a field full of them. We ran through at full pelt.  You could practically hear the Benny Hill music.  Unfortunately in our haste we had taken completely the wrong turn and had to return to the field,but luckily the cows were busy munching grass,facing away from us bottoms akimbo.

Their best side,muttered Chris.  We passed Stoke Brunswick,14th

Homestall 1938

century former school,made up of The Homestall and 16th century Dutton Hall,a picture of which was in the pub.  Now a wedding venue.  Often the way.  This is very much cow and sheep country.  We don't mind the sheep,despite their constant weeing and pooing - we make them nervous. Two huge baby sheep were feeding from a poor skinny mother.  Farty said she looked like a deflated balloon.  Further on was a magnificent fully equipped horny ram,huge curly things - and his horns.  He was sharing a field with another rather worried looking sheep.  Well he was a big boy.  His owner was attacking mole hills.  Chris showed a keen interest.  We went a bit off track after this and unfortunately ended up in someone's garden,containing a plastic cow with three legs.  My favourite kind,said Chris.  We were searching for a bridge over a stream.  Easy enough you would think.  Wrong!  Fortunately Tonto and the Lone Ranger(Sue and Minnie) used their scouting skills and found it.  The signage wasn't good today.  Homeward bound now,and passing Great Water Farm,we noticed the welcoming sign "Trespassers will be shot,and survivors will be shot again".  We didn't hang about. 

Soon we were back at the pub and TB was ordering a pint of Ameretto.  Eh? Bit sickly we thought, not his usual tipple.  Actually it was Italian Moretti beer.  The menu was huge, with normal menu and specials.  Some hours later,we made our choice.  The young couple behind the bar were very patient, resisting any eye rolling.  The young guy was a particularly cute "young man" and some of us were becoming a bit Kathy Burkish. Ugh!  The food was good,although Chris ordered steak pie which had run out,ordered turkey pie and mash and got chips then the turkey pie ran out and Farty switched to fish pie. Still we liked the toilets, and Sue was impressed with the positioning of the loo roll.  We're easily pleased really!  While we waited for the food, a health and safety bloke was bizarely checking the smoke alarm above our table using a gadget which blew smoke into it.  Don't you just press the red button, Chris wondered?  

Time to give TB the Daily Mail,his favourite paper!  It featured a story about a PC who kept his job despite having sex on duty with a married woman, because he was in control of his weapon at all times due to it being in his holster attached to his trousers which were round his ankles......Here we go.  Cue inevitable ribald remarks.  Cocky sod,cocked weapons, he may have been in control of his magnum,but what about his luger, etc etc. We can't help ourselves.  TB was particularly tickled by this, and so was the married woman.  Chris and I ordered a coffee as it was free for oaps.  (I still can't believe I'm writing this), and they didn't bat an eyelid.  Honestly, how old do we look?!  

Next week's venue could be Ashfold Crossways, Warnham, Bletchingly, or somewhere else.  Watch this space!  Love Wend xx