Withyham, The Dorset Arms

Tues 26th February.

Meandering with un petit choux.

Walkers: Sue, Chris, Farty, TB, Mrs P, (nice to see her again), Wind.

Distance: 6 1/2 miles

 

Find of the walk: A wooly hat.

A blustery cold day as usual as we gathered at the Dorset Arms.  We are now sick of winter and relentless grey skies.  Relentless grey should be on the Farrow and Ball colour chart. Mrs P and yours truly had their heads in the car boot gathering their walking gear, bums in the air, when TB approached from behind.  (In the car).  " I could tell it was you without seeing your faces" he said. Cheek.  Four cheeks.  Mon had kindly mapped out a route for us, and off we went immediately taking the wrong path.  So soon!  Farty said we could carry on, but it would mean missing the railtrack.  Faces fell.  Well mine did.  I like railways.  Have I mentioned the district line? Yes!  Shuuup!  We started again and found ourselves walking along an incredibly meandering river. Almost ox bow lakes for the geographically inclined.  A tributary of the Medway apparently.  Then we were on the railtrack, that's better, a continuation of the Forest Way which links up to the Worth Way.  So you could walk from Worth to Groombridge.  Not today thank you.  We passed a man on a bike with a purple face and yellow labrador.  One of my favourite colour combos. He was an excitable boy, running round our legs and the dog was quite friendly too.

Withyham Station 2013

Withyham Station in the 1960's

After a while (I'm sorry,you know I don't do miles and directions) we came upon the old Withyham station now a des res.  (Withyham was a railway station on the Three Bridges to Tunbridge Wells Central Line which closed in 1967, a casualty of the Beeching Axe.) It had an incredibly long platform. Did the Flying Scotsman use this line?  Mrs P and I came over all nostalgic. Again.  Mrs P used to live near a railway cutting,and as you know, I grew up with a track at the bottom of the garden.  The district line.  I may have mentioned this.  Carrying on, we spotted Cherry Farm organic shop.  We couldn't resist.  In we went and Farty bought some meatballs which we hoped were pork,and an amazing looking January King cabbage, purple and green, a bit like my face at the end of a walk.  Outside a huge Bentley had pulled up.  The driver got out, a stick thin woman with huge trout pout.  TB didn't think women should be allowed to drive such vehicles.  In her case we had to agree as the steering wheel must have been completely obscured by her enormous lips.

The few stiles we came across today were quite high, involving some straddling.  This reminded Farty of when her pubic bone, (Mon's Mound, it's not everyone that gives it a name) was more padded.  Redistribution of fat.  Tell me about it!  At Farty's yoga class they pivot on their pubic bone,which is a neat trick if you can manage it.  I hadn't heard of this manoeuver.  Well not in a yoga class.  Maybe in Bangkok?.....

Time for a break,which was taken by the Uckfield "Express" line.  Excitement was growing for Mrs P and I as a train was due.  Suddenly it appeared, but blink and you missed it, being only 2 carriages long.  Hardly the Tokyo bullet train.  On we went over a bridge spanning the river.  All around were special platforms (clapper bridge- classically, clapper bridges were built near fords, situating them close to established paths, and some were quite large.) enabling people to keep dry during floods.  We've got drains up our way sniffed Farty.  We know our place in the provinces.  The footpath led us through a farm which had a stern notice from farmer James asking people to avoid walking on his crops.  We tried but they did help us get a grip in the mud. Next stop was Balls Green.......Let's not go there.  At this point Farty said we could do some road walking to the pub or take a slightly longer off-road route.  It was a tough decision,and reluctantly we took the road.

Back at the Dorset Arms we were greeted by the friendly landlady who led us to a table next to a huge fireplace.  Luckily it wasn't lit,we know what Sue's like when she feels hot and hemmed in.  Bit like working in world traveller.  A jug of water was produced for us while we perused the menu.  We like that sort of thing.  Either side of the fireplace were 2 small doors.  Priest holes, we wondered?  But then realised they had to be discreet,not covered in ornate carvings and elaborate knockers.  I don't know how I'm restraining myself,Clat wouldn't!  On the wall above our table was what looked like an old door bell,just waiting to be pressed.  TB wondered if it was made of wood or bakelite.  I'm not sure why that was important,must be a boy thing.  We asked the landlady what would happen if we pressed it.  Nothing,she said.  A lot of us have unresponsive buttons like that.

 

While waiting for our food,and after taking his blood pressure tablets,TB steeled himself to read the Daily Mail,full as usual of seedy old blokes and inappropriate groping.  Reminded us of our flying days.  You didn't hear us complain. Some of us were quite grateful.  We wondered what sort of groping would be appropriate.  Luckily the food arrived before a full rant developed.

 

The food was excellent,a little more expensive than usual,but worth it.  Thank you Mon,good choice.  Next week TBA, probably more northerly!  Sorry, has this gone on a bit?  Once you start.....

Love Wend xx

Ashurst Wood - The 3 Crowns

Tuesday 19th February

 A Wander Down Windy's Parts

Walkers:  Farty, T.B., Windy, 2 Legs,  .  Trish joinlil and Clat.  Trish joined us for lunch - Happy New Year  Mrs P. !! Distance 6 1/4 miles

Find of the Walk:  A rugby ball, a pair of wellies, and a discarded bike - some of this will not be on show, cos T.B. had an equipment mal-function, so that even his back-up camera equipment failed - it happens.
What a beautiful day - bright and clear, and after a frost and fog, it became truly scrumptious (as Mary Poppins would say, or was it Bert?)  Farty and Clat had designed today to be long and linear, on the old Sussex railway track, thus avoiding the mud and wetness - it worked.   The pub is open all day from, it appears 0900 - brilliant, so we could get some light relief and have a coffee before setting off.
At first, it was muddy, but once we were 'on-line' (tee hee) it was plain-sailing and a good pace soon developed.  T.B.  or rather, Fingers Malone, was having a bit of trouble with some of his digits today but overcame this hurdle and got snapping - his malaise from last week has ended, thank goodness.  Along the way, we met lots of activity in the shape of walkers, runners, dogs, cyclists - don't get me started on their lack of bells, or even voicing a warning of their impending approach from behind  Various maori-style posts along the way, tell you how far you have come and how far you have to go..  It is half-term this week, but nevertheless it was good to see so many children outside rather than inside, stuck to the controls of a gadget.

Timed  to perfection, we had a break, carried on, then turned round, viewing the views from the opposite direction.  Actually, we could see a lot more at this time of year, due to lack of leaves - we got back to base in good time - so lovely and warm in the sunshine, and got into pub mode.  There were log fires burning, and the c.h. was on - excellent.  Various menus were offered, including two mains for £5 - which didn't mean one person ate two meals but one each - a bargain!!  There was also a good blackboard menu, as well as the usual - we were spoilt for choice.

Trish arrived, looking glamorously coiffed and a vision in pink - she even ordered a drink to match - she is a very co-ordinated woman.  We updated with her, and then the food arrived, and really good it was too.  This is a definite return venue menu.   T.B. then produced a slip of paper with a picture of a man modelling a mankini - apparently he wants one for his birthday - April 10th   Also displayed was penis pasta and other male 'interests' - is this a side-effect of digit trouble? He then went on to tell a few jokes, and proceeded to give us a quiz - in fact, the Daily Mail hardly got a look in.

Well, all good things come to an end, and ours was nigh, so we paid, upped, and left.
Next week Farty will be manning the helm as Lil and Clat are off to the seaside.  Roger and out.

Warnham - The Sussex Oak

Tuesday 12th February

What Mud?

Walkers:  Farty, T.B., 4 Legs, Windy, Lil and Clat. and, surprise surprise Minnie!  Sally joined us for lunch - and was presented with her calendar.
 Find of the walk: a pair of striking turquoise glasses - sadly, wrong prescription for Farty.
 Distance: 6 1/2 miles

It were a right raw mornin' and the cold were stappin' the vitals - perfect for a walk, some might say.  We  parked and went to the lovely butchers and looked at his meat.  We bought some of his meat, and some of us had him keep our meat until we met ,again.

Farty and Clat, had chatted about this proposed riverside walk, in the hopes that we wouldn't encounter mud, but we were so wrong.  Even in the built-up areas, it was boggy and flooded - we have had so much rain lately. Off we went,  straight into heavy heavy mud, and within minutes, a crafty bramble claimed it's first victim - Farty.  With a thud and a thwack (similar to the sound of the arrow hitting the wood in the cider advert), she was downed, and landed in a near-perfect warrior- pose position (guess who has just started doing yoga?)
She recovered quickly from this  human venus flytrap plant, and altho, covered in mud from the knees down, she valiantly continued.  What was meant to be a shortcut to the river path, turned into a tricky orienteering exercise, but we got there in the end.

The River Arun wanders and bumbles its way round Horsham, and the total walk is 11 miles and would be much better without mud.  We  spotted clumps of snowdrops and some huge areas of wild garlic already in leaf - and sooo early this year.  Lots of new housing is going up and we meandered a bit too far,  but after cutting a swathe through a new-build area , we came out at Tesco - every little helps.

An underpass got us safely across the busy main roads here, and we were in the outskirts of Warnham.  Farty had a chat to tree fellers (there is a joke there somewhere), and as time was against us, we took a straight-line approach to get back to base.

The pub wasn't very busy - we sorted ourselves out, and ordered our food - which was brilliant value as we had vouchers for bog-offs.  We were replete, and after a beverarge (as Alison in The Hotel pronounces it), we left.  Minnie has a doggie -date at the boudoir, and will emerge clipped, fluffed and manicured - something I need to have done, but I draw the line at having my anal glands squeezed - ooo matron.

Next week, bearing in mind this wretched mud, we might be walking along the old railway line, however, all will be communicated to you after the usual Sunday night planning meeting, which goes well accompanied by a large glass of shiraz.  cheeeeeeeers everyone.

Reigate Hill - The Duke's Head

Reigate Hill April 2012

Tuesday  5th February

The Windyridge Wander, Wonder - Whatever

Walkers:  Farty, T.B., 4 Legs, Lil and Clat.  No Windy - think she has got mud-stroke - she's sick of it, and judging by our boots today, we don't blame her.  No Mrs P - see below.

We are  very sad to report that Polly's Mike, passed away last Friday.  We are at a loss as to what to say and our hearts and thoughts are with her, her family and loved ones.

Distance:  6 and 3/4 miles - done in less than 3hrs, cos there wasn't much stopping and messing about.

Find of the Walk:  We saw a hat, a Christmas decoration, and a huge lump of string, but T.B. was not in a David Bailey mode, and after all, we have loads of pics of this walk - sorry folks.

Reigate Hill April 2012

Well, to say it was windy, without Windy, was an under-statement - it fairly rocked on the top of the hill.  The car park was packed, and large groups of walkers were spotted, assembling as if to go on a protest march.  We marked their position and went the other way - fast.  The track was fairly o.k. being on chalk and all, and the wind whistled nicely through our bits and bobs.  We passed vast tracts of pushchairs, red-cheeked kids complete with runny noses, and various assortments of dogs - most going in the opposite direction to ours - good.
Last week's walk was cancelled due to the very convincing forecast from Carol at the Beeb.  She warned of continuous heavy rain from 10.00  onwards - completely wrong, but there you go, it happened.

Farty and Clat had decided to modify the walk a bit which meant no tricky descents or ascents, so we kept to the hill top areas.  We did our usual, through Margery Wood (of course she would), and over the raging M25 and towards Walton Heath.  The cold got into the vitals and discreet 'stops' were performed.  We arrived at the Sportsman to find it closed, and veered off over the Walton Heath golf course - no balls today.  Then into a thicket of woods and turning again towards the motorway once more.  Up and over we went, and then came out on the ridge further along.

The wind was behind us (oh no it wasn't), which made travelling a lot easier on the lug holes, and we eventually reached base to find it still crowded but no sign of the protest march sort of lot.  We decided to head for our fave pub The Dukes Head and were soon welcomed and seated and eated - lovely food.  Bad grammar I know, but I am trying to flow here.  Our landlady Wendy, was up to her ears  in bookwork but still found time to say hello.  Some re-furb work has been done - new seats and carpets and a new little snug complete with fireplace where some good stoking activity can take place - matron, where are you?

We actually had some sensible conversation today covering topics such as Chris Huhne, that Mitchell man, government , politics, 'don't get me started'  etc etc  No Wind, meant no Daily Mail for TB  so he joined in as well, happily replete after his meat pie and veg - a real man's meal.  We then went on to discuss vacuum cleaners - an exhilarating exchange and comparison took place, and 3 of us discovered we had the same brand - riveting!!!!  Time for the bill.  Time to go home, and time to get this posted off to our Ed.  ta ta