The Diamond - Holland

Tuesday 15th January

Fifty Shades of Mud
Walkers:  Farty, T.B., Windy, Clat and Lil.  No 4 Legs due to sorting Mum out, and no Mrs P as her roots are beckoning.  Polly's Mike is hopefully improving.

Find of the Walk:  a lovely pink bath, nestled in the woods, and a vase which Lil carefully arranged on a fence post.

Miles:  5 1/2 - and that took nearly 3 hours due to the very heavy-going in thick, wet , cloying mud.

A very cold day today - we assembled and awaited Wind - we rang her - 'I'm hopelessly lost' she said.  In fact, she was hopelessly lost in a road right by the pub - it happens, and apparently she had nearly driven to Belgium in her quest which shows her determination.    Our diamond geezer was knocking about and shook his head when we told him we were walking.  We set off and within minutes, a bramble had lashed out and felled T.B.  Oh dear what a mess he was in - mud everywhere and it caused seepage to his parts too.  Should he go back and wait by the roaring fire in the pub or should he continue?  He did the latter of course, and we crossed the railway line, got a wave from a train driver, and headed through some surreal woods, full of household items,  and shacks, on our northwards journey. A wee communication error here when Windy uttered the words quick Sand - so Sand quickened, but the word was quicksand which meant the ground was sinking and that meant Sand hadn't quickened at all.

A Wendy House!

Windy was trying out her new 3/4 length waterproof - very smart and getting merrily splashed with mud as we all were. Unfortunately, Farty wasn't so lucky, acquiring a Tayberry hedge tear on her sleeve.  We kept going onwards and upwards, passing a sheep with a very weird bleat, and came to our summit.  Not quite the very top, but time had to be kept - the pub stops food at 2.  A quick break, in many ways, as Lil was trying to emerge from her rucsack and needed assistance.  Time to move on.  Very soon we came to Windy's Wendy House, with magnificent views - lucky girl.  We passed big old Caxton House and a downwards trajectory (get that). Caxton House was constructed in the early 1900s as a convalescent home for the printing trade and was converted into individual apartments in the late 1960s. We got a little lost in a farm which was covered in signs saying 'no path' but none saying 'path' , but we found our way in the end - honestly, what is it with these folks?  Farty helped herself to the large amounts of sheeps wool on the fences which apparently is good for keeping El Slugo (after all they are Spanish) away from her hostas - this in not a euphemism.

A fair bit of lane-walking followed which was good for cleaning boots and speeding-up a bit.  A right turn took us into a field, with an electric fence to cross - after all this is the steeplechase season.  All was going well until Farty failed in this mission and toppled into the mud.  Clat was of no help at all as she was doubled-up with laughter, trying hard not to be put on the incontinent plan. Windy, who was trying to help, thoughtfully trod on Farty's glasses which were then buried in the mud.  What are we like?  Normal? service resumed.

The Diamond

So by now, we had Sherpa Tensing and Nanook of the North in our group - in various degrees of mud and wetness - and in serious need of a bath - but not the pink one in the woods. Thankfully we made it back to the pub in one piece and soon got sorted and sat - towels were used for the two members of the Turkish mud-wrestling team.  A very warm welcome, excellent food, and delicious prices - we shall come again.  Diamond geezer came and chatted to us, and the whole ambulance was good.
A BIG THANK YOU to T.B. for our lovely calendars - his masterpiece appears in September and was taken on a walk in Leigh.  Those missing will get theirs next week, once we have sorted our walk venue, so until then we wish you a warm, mud-free week.

Sally's Birthday Lunch: Little Bay, Croydon