St. John's Redhill - The Plough

Tuesday 24th September

Redhill, Red faces, Red mist

Distance; 6 1/2 miles

Find of the walk; Broken crockery.  Sign of a recent Greek wedding Walkers:Eight legs, Farty, TB, Wind, and Mrs. P - lovely to see her after her stay in S.A.  We worry about her being eaten by a dangerous animal, but the nyalas couldn't eat a whole one.  Not even the petite Mrs. P!

 We parked up at The Plough which is a lovely pub bedecked with all manner of pots, hanging baskets, conifers on the roof (eh?).  Sue had brought Minnie, and said she was so excited she'd wet herself, and so had Minnie.  It was a misty start to the day, but the sun eventually broke through, and soon we were complaining about the heat.  Apparently this was a lollipop shaped walk with, dare I say, a number of hills.  Well I suppose it would be, what with Redhill, Reigate Hill, Cockshott Hill (leave it), Smoke Hill, Cronks Hill.  I can't get enough of them.  The hills were alive with the sound of our knees creaking, but we scaled them like gazelles.  Soon we were in Reigate Park

where the views were spectacular.  TB got talking to a sprightly elderly gent walking a scotty dog.  Minnie was intrigued.  She'd never seen a dog apparently on castors before.  The elderly gent quickly rattled off his life story to TB, including the fact that he used to be a marine.  World war 2? asked TB.  Actually no, he sniffed, I'm only 75.  Oops!  TB was looking particularly fetching today in a sky blue denim shirt.  Sue said it was a crow shirt.  I said I'd never heard of that make.  No she sighed, a Quo shirt, as in Status. I was having trouble with my Rs today!

Farty suggested we stop for a coffee break at Skimmington Castle, and we reluctantly agreed.  We sat outside waiting for opening time, (been there before).  Eventually the doors opened and a man emerged.  We assumed he was mine host and smiled at him hopefully. Nothing.  He was one of a party of what looked like golfers.  Well they were wearing Daks trousers.  Farty later heard one say, " Oh God, the whole place has been taken over by gels!".  Godfrey Bloom eat your heart out!  We got talking to a lovely elderly couple who asked what Farty's stick was for.  " It's for beating off men" she said menacingly.  They didn't hang around.  We pressed on.  It was quite hot now, and we stopped for a water break.  Farty and I gave Minnie a drink.  She was keen to drink straight from my bottle of water.  Much as I love her, I said I'd rather she didn't get her chops round the nozzle.  This remark reminded Farty of a porn film, more of which later.  Lovely houses to gawp at today, including Cockshott House, (no really, I'm not going there), which had a New Orleans look about it.  We immediately fancied a mint julip.  Doesn't take much.  Another house had a caterpillar shaped hedge.  Sue and Chris said their Grandad had been keen on topiary and had created a table and chairs scenario.  We couldn't believe this until we later saw a photo. Amazing.

Back at the pub, and it was lovely to see Sally.  She's got a flight on Monday on the new "Dreamliner".  In your dreams it's on time, we thought.  She's horrified that she's got to wear her uniform hat.  Makes her look like something out of the RAF.  "That hat's gone to her head, but at least it takes her mind of her bunions", said Chris cheekily.  Farty and TB had lunch here last week when the chips had been fab.  I thought I'd check them out, and they were OK.  The Lithuanian chef may have been having an off day.  Shame really, East Europeans are normally so clever with spuds.  Anyone who can make vodka from them gets my vote.  Mrs. P. had a pint of prawns, but they were so fiddly she wished she'd had a swift half.  Otherwise the food was good.

Over lunch we were discussing our middle names, and it seems we have a few in common with our first names.  Farty's is Wendy, Chris and Sally's is Patricia, and TB's is Susan.  Who'd have thought it?  Inevitably we progressed on to our porn names - first pet and mother's maiden name, or first address, and they are as follows:

Sue and Chris:Whisky Mitchell

Farty:Rickie Banfather

TB; Trixie Gavin

Me: Nicky Sutherland

and my own particular favourites:

Sally: Snoopy Biggs

Mrs. P:Toto Rafferty

And finally, (I know, thank God), Sue told us a disturbing story of the good old Airtours days when crew had to share rooms.  Clat would be horrified.  She was paired up with with one of their very few "good time gals", and there was a succession of gentlemen callers, with all sorts of shagnanigans going on.  It gets worse.  The twin beds had been pushed together.  Sue clung to the edge, donned earplugs and eye mask, and thought of England.  Those were the days!

Mrs. P., Farty, and TB, are away for the next 2 Tuesdays, so we may have a Clat-led walk if she's up to it after all the sangria.  TTFN. Wend xx

Walton on the Heath - The Duke's Head

Tuesday 10th September

Now We Are Six-Tee - Lil has joined the club!     Happy Birthday!
Walkers: Farty, T.B., 8 Legs, Windy, Lil and Clat.  Mrs P is out there looking at creatures in her front garden (better than her back passage), and Sally has just returned from a back to back and is now on it,
pushing out the zzzzzzzzs.
Distance: 6.84 miles
Loss of the Walk:  Lil's 60 Balloon

We gathered at Lil's chosen venue, and glorified in the glorious hanging baskets which adorn this pub.  A builder was busy loading up a skip, and T.B. was equally busy, unloading it, and placing the contents in his car.  Windy was worried that one of her gaiters had faded, until she realised she had it on inside out - it happens.
Finally, we set off.  The skies were blue and blustery, the sun was out, and Lil was attached to her balloon.  Across Walton Heath we went - we are finally getting the hang of this area, and knowing what track leads where.  When it comes to the other side of the road, we still manage to get a bit tangled in the undergrowth, and never pop out where we hope to.  One day we too shall crack this code.
Much dodging of la merde in la meadow, as big dogs obviously choose to let rip
here, and their loving owners take care not to clear it up.  We moved on, into the woods and along the edge of the merdeow towards a track which led towards civilisation.  We happened upon a herd of young cows with one lonely( or lucky) bullock in their midst. 

We came to a crossroads and veered off to the right, eventually coming to a bridge over the River M25.  We stopped at Colley Hill, admired the view, and popped the champagne cork - marvellous darling.  We were observed by some more cows - this time some Galloways but not the George m.p. version.  Photos were taken, merriment ensued, and we set off once again, eventually re-bridging the M25 and over into some woods.  Loads of berries and fruitfulness to be seen, and sampled, and some fores and againsts as we hit the golf course - calamity! Lil's attachment was missing, and none of us had seen her blow off.  Should we alert a.t.c., as her 60 balloon was somewhere up there?  We heard nothing, so assumed all was well in the skies - what a shame.

Over the Dorking Road - oh dear, a dead deer to behold.  Into the bushes we went and wended our way past some very posh houses on our final leg of our journey.  Windy showed us her gaff - Windycot, but she hasn't quite got round to buying it yet.  Moving on, up, and eastwards, we eventually made it to the pub.
Wendy, our wonderful landlady was much in evidence, and full of beans - a weird term for joviality and conviviality i believe, or ibuleve which is good for sprains.  Our fave table was sat at, and the excellent service ensued.  It's been far too long since our last visit, and no real reason why - but it certainly hasn't lost any of it's 'thing' for us.  Lil opened her presents, and the lunches were enjoyed soon afterwards.  Minnie was resplendent in her latest fashion accessory - a commando coat, with green sleeves and was very pleased with the odd dainty morsel coming her way.  Sadly, Farty and T.B. have lost one of their hens - Bianca, which I'm sure wasn't named after the character in Eastenders - more to do with her colour methinks.
We couldn't help overhearing a group of male golfers nearby, yakking on about a hole in one, then a prostate featured, followed by a kimono and zimmer frames, and this was while they were downing their holes in one with booze - the possibilities are endless.  Time for the bill, time to go, time to examine the skip once again, and to make for home.
Next week it's Farty's birthday walk - choice tba, so we wait with baited breath, kimonos and zimmer frames for the venue.  toodle loo

Holland - The Diamond

Tuesday 3rd September

A very pleasant walk with a surprise at the end!

A good pub was the surprise!

Redhill - The Joshua Tree

The 3 of us!

This is a shortened blog for only 3 walkers came, but we did 6 1/2 miles anyway. No grumbling from anyone!

Started at The Joshua Tree and headed west- for a there and back. First discovery was a new pub, The Plough at St Johns, Pendleton. we came to some fantastic properties with amazing views.

 Reigate Park. Greensand Way. Loop round a huge horsey complex. Slight diversion to Skimmington Castle for lunch. Very good pub for food & drink & service. Must go back!
For once we had lunch before finishing the walk, but it took only an hour to cover the remaining 2.6 miles! 7 3/4 miles in total.
Houses passed:

Stepstile Meadow