Tuesday 24th September
Redhill, Red faces, Red mist
Distance; 6 1/2 miles
Find of the walk; Broken
crockery. Sign of a recent Greek wedding Walkers:Eight legs, Farty, TB, Wind,
and Mrs. P - lovely to see her after her stay in S.A. We worry about her
being eaten by a dangerous animal, but the nyalas couldn't eat a whole
one. Not even the petite Mrs. P!
We parked up at The Plough which is
a lovely pub bedecked with all manner of pots, hanging baskets, conifers on the
roof (eh?). Sue had brought Minnie, and said she was so excited she'd wet
herself, and so had Minnie. It was a misty start to the day, but the sun
eventually broke through, and soon we were complaining about the heat.
Apparently this was a lollipop shaped walk with, dare I say, a number of
hills. Well I suppose it would be, what with Redhill, Reigate Hill,
Cockshott Hill (leave it), Smoke Hill, Cronks Hill. I can't get enough of
them. The hills were alive with the sound of our knees creaking, but we
scaled them like gazelles. Soon we were in Reigate Park
Farty suggested we stop for a coffee
break at Skimmington Castle, and we reluctantly agreed. We sat outside
waiting for opening time, (been there before). Eventually the doors
opened and a man emerged. We assumed he was mine host and smiled at him
hopefully. Nothing. He was one of a party of what looked like
golfers. Well they were wearing Daks trousers. Farty later heard
one say, " Oh God, the whole place has been taken over by
gels!". Godfrey Bloom eat your heart out! We got talking to a
lovely elderly couple who asked what Farty's stick was for. " It's
for beating off men" she said menacingly. They didn't hang around.
We pressed on. It was quite hot now, and we stopped for a water
break. Farty and I gave Minnie a drink. She was keen to drink
straight from my bottle of water. Much as I love her, I said I'd rather
she didn't get her chops round the nozzle. This remark reminded Farty of
a porn film, more of which later. Lovely houses to gawp at today,
including Cockshott House, (no really, I'm not going there), which had a New
Orleans look about it. We immediately fancied a mint julip. Doesn't
take much. Another house had a caterpillar shaped hedge. Sue and
Chris said their Grandad had been keen on topiary and had created a table and
chairs scenario. We couldn't believe this until we later saw a photo.
Amazing. 
Back at the pub, and it was lovely
to see Sally. She's got a flight on Monday on the new
"Dreamliner". In your dreams it's on time, we thought.
She's horrified that she's got to wear her uniform hat. Makes her look
like something out of the RAF. "That hat's gone to her head, but at
least it takes her mind of her bunions", said Chris cheekily. Farty
and TB had lunch here last week when the chips had been fab. I thought
I'd check them out, and they were OK. The Lithuanian chef may have been
having an off day. Shame really, East Europeans are normally so clever
with spuds. Anyone who can make vodka from them gets my vote. Mrs.
P. had a pint of prawns, but they were so fiddly she wished she'd had a swift
half. Otherwise the food was good.
Over lunch we were discussing our
middle names, and it seems we have a few in common with our first names.
Farty's is Wendy, Chris and Sally's is Patricia, and TB's is Susan. Who'd
have thought it? Inevitably we progressed on to our porn names - first
pet and mother's maiden name, or first address, and they are as follows:
Sue and Chris:Whisky Mitchell
Farty:Rickie Banfather
TB; Trixie Gavin
Me: Nicky Sutherland
and my own particular favourites:
Sally: Snoopy Biggs
Mrs. P:Toto Rafferty
And finally, (I know, thank God),
Sue told us a disturbing story of the good old Airtours days when crew had to
share rooms. Clat would be horrified. She was paired up with with
one of their very few "good time gals", and there was a succession of
gentlemen callers, with all sorts of shagnanigans going on. It gets
worse. The twin beds had been pushed together. Sue clung to the
edge, donned earplugs and eye mask, and thought of England. Those were
the days!
Mrs. P., Farty, and TB, are away for
the next 2 Tuesdays, so we may have a Clat-led walk if she's up to it after all
the sangria. TTFN. Wend xx
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