Never Never Land - The Aladdin's Lamp

Tuesday 17th December

The Walk That Never Was

Virtual Walkers: Farty, T.B., 8 Legs, Windy, Mrs P., Sally, Lil, Clat, George Clooney, Omar Sharif, Robert de Niro, Miss World (for t.b.), Dougal (from magic roundabout for Minnie).

Distance: 10 miles
Find of the Walk: a crock of gold

We were all on time, in our pristine Berghaus outfits et al. Clat had her new walking boots - Brashers, which she thinks could be Australian, in 'Brasher yourself Sheila' - we all looked fab. Off we went , along a perfectly dry footpath in the middle of all the wet and the mud. We noted cyclamen, snowdrops, winter cactus, forsythia, all in full bloom and smelling fragrant. The sun was shining, but not too hot so we didn't have to remove anything.
The route took us towards a tinkling river, and that of course meant a bit of relief had to be taken. In the undergrowth we discovered a spotlessly clean lavatory, with heated seat, flushing water, and the softest loo roll that there has ever been. A fairy attendant (not a gay guy on board sort),magically appeared, with cleansing cloths, warm towels and lip balm, and we were soon on our way. We climbed to a height of Ben Nevis, taking in the wonderful landscape of castles, reindeer, snow, sleigh bells and a glimpse of something red flitting through the sky, saying ho ho ho.
Over the rainbow we stopped at an inviting Starbucks, offering free coffees and refreshments, and took our fill. We carried on, through a glacier, not slipping once, and Minnie discovered this part of the trail was littered with dog chews and jewel-encrusted collars. We vaulted stiles, and marveled at how we had all won the lottery the week before. The snow began to fall, but somehow none of us got wet, and soon it was time to head for home and the pub. On our return, we discovered that our boots didn't have a mark on them, and our clothes were clean and dry. Into the pub we went, and were told that all the computers were down, and all food and drink was on the house. After some real cordon-bleu cooking, washed down with premier cru stuff and the bestest of ales, it was time to leave. Our chauffeur-driven cars were waiting for us, to take us home- and back to reality. Have a lovely Christmas everyone !! xxxxx Next walk due on January 7 2014.

 Happy New Year. Virtually, Clat xxx