Warnham - The Sussex Oak

The Nutcracker Suite

Tuesday 11th December

Walkers:  Farty, T.B., 2 Legs, Windy, Mrs P., Lil and Clat.  Sally came for lunch, complete with matchsticks and copious amounts of coffee - well done, on staying awake for us, after working all night back from Buenos Aires - ole.  Chris unable to make it, due hospital appts.
 Distance: meant to be about 7 miles but it went on a bit, due to what you are going to read about.
Find: our way round the map properly would have helped.
Well, after weeks of no walking as such, due to bad weather and other things going on, we decided to give December a miss.  However, due to popular demand, we re-instated  one for today - with un-popular repercussions - read on.
The weather was crisp , cold and bright - a little muddy underfoot, but then everywhere was the same.  We got going a little late, due to roadworks all over the place, and headed off into the countryside.  All went well, and the usual , familiar paths were followed.  We had a break (thks again Mrs P - you and your Aga are a dream), and confident we were going the right way- we headed into the sunshine - wrong.  A left turn was missed - it happens, but today we needed to be back for our 1.30 table, and rendezvous with Sally. 

Then the pantomime started - Clat stumbled, then tripped on her stick and went bumpety-bump on to tarmac - a bit hard - and was told to stay there, laying on her side.  Being surrounded by airline medical -trained birds is a good thing - they know what to do.  There was a bit of blood, grazing, and a large bump on the temple - soon reduced by Farty's metal water bottle.  (The bruising came out days later with black and yellow eyes and other parts - very attractive. )  Lil thought the noise was Clat stomping her feet, and turned to come and help, and in the process she lost her balance and was also on the ground - what a toodooo.   From now on Clat could blame everything on concussion, so Farty took over, and we seemed to go a bit wrong later on as well - time is ticking on - can you feel the pressure??
A little later on it was Farty's turn to tumble - and she slid gracefully into the wet and muddy ground and was turned a different colour.  Absolutely soaked and caked in mud in her nether regions, and down,  she soldiered on - time was ticking again.  A little later ,  Clat asked Farty if she knew where T.B. was - a 'phone call then alerted us to the fact that he was lost, and, Farty had lost - her glasses - oh no she didn't - oh yes she did.  We remembered last seeing T.B. taking a call in the bushes about some inks for his printer, and he had taken the wrong path afterwards - oh heck, it's all going wrong!!!

Clat (who had concussion don't forget) was then left to direct the rest of the route, whilst Farty went back to do her retrievals.  Sending two of her party into the deer park , Clat realised we were totally in the wrong place, and gathered her herd once more, and decided to road-walk the rest of the way to get back to the pub - before food service ended.  The roads were very icy and slippery, so it was a wonder that no more fallings took place. 
We hurried to the pub, changed our boots, and as we entered, we heard the landlord shouting through to the kitchen that we had finally arrived - 45 mins late, and Sally about to put her pyjamas on.
Farty and T.B also hurried, and by the skin of the kitchen-staff teeth, we ordered, and received our lovely lunches and wound down.  We ate chocs provided by Sally - thank you - and decided that never again shall we re-instate a walk.

However, we shall be organised for the new year, and we shall re-commence our activities on Tuesday 8th January, at the Dukes Head , Walton - in the meantime  WE WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS, AND A HEALTHY, FALL-FREE NEW YEAR!!!

p.s. ice packs have now been purchased and will be carried on all walks.

Crawley Down - The Royal Oak

Tuesday 13th November

The Worthwhile Worth Way Walk - now, try saying that after a few bevvies

Walkers:  Farty, T.B., 4 Legs (Mum, thankfully, o.k. to be left today), Windy,  Lil and Clat.  Mrs P has gorn orf again to look at her thatched erection.
 Sadly, very sadly, Sally's great nephew lost his brave battle, and is now at peace.  We all send our love and condolences.
Distance: 71/4 miles
Find: yet again, nothing, but on this walk last time, we found all sorts of goodies, including the elephant, and the incredible hulk - the recession is biting.

We decided to meet here, as most of the walk was on the now defunct railway line - the Worth Way or Sussex Border Path.  Some of it was new territory, but in the main it was flat and straight (just like a bloke I used to know).  It was also free of mud, and after the recent rains it was deemed a good choice of walkage.

(Rowfant was a railway station on the Three Bridges to Tunbridge Wells Central Line which closed in 1967, a casualty of the Beeching Axe.
The route of the railway line cut a path through the estate of Curtis Miranda Lampson, a wealthy American fur trader and vice-chairman of the Atlantic Telegraph Company, who agreed to sell his land cheaply to the London, Brighton and South Coast Railway (LBSCR) on condition that a station be provided, together with the right to stop trains on request. Apart from Lampson's Rowfant House the only other nearby residence was Worth Hall owned by John Nix, an LBSCR director. At Lampson's request a shelter was provided for his coachmen.^[1][2]

Rowfant station c1890

Rowfant, initially the only intermediate station between Three Bridges and East Grinstead, saw an initial service of six passenger trains per day, with two on Sundays. By 1859 this had increased to nine services with one early morning goods train, and four Sunday services. The opening of another intermediate station in 1860, Grange Road, saw passenger trains cut to six on weekdays. An additional siding and crossover were provided in 1878, the siding serving a nearby brickworks. The station was further enlarged in 1900-1901 when it became a crossing station with a new 500ft. Up platform and footbridge. In 1906 the introduction of new motor carriages led to an increase in weekday services.^[3]
Nevertheless, Rowfant saw very little passenger traffic and jointly held with Kingscote the record for the least revenue for passenger journeys on the LBSCR.^[1] Although it saw a brief revival in terms of freight traffic when Gatwick Airport opened in the late 1950s and jet fuel was stored in the goods yard, its days were numbered and it closed with the rest of the line in January 1967 under the programme of closures put forward by local resident and British Rail Chairman, Richard Beeching.
Today the majority of the station survives, with the station site and goods yard occupied by a company producing road-building materials, Colas Limited. The station building, stationmaster's house and part of the Down platform survive. The Worth Way, a public footpath following the line of the railway, runs alongside the north face of the station building which is currently disused with its windows and doorways bricked up.^[1])

So, the pace picked-up, and we could see for miles ahead.  We didn't foresee cyclists and runners coming up from behind, but we dodged them and survived.  At the end of the track we turned right and into countryside - Ley House and Old Rowfant.  We had a break and Sue/Chris scurried ahead to relieve themselves.  We continued ...................... and passed a steaming pile of manure and a large puddle - so which one of you was it then?!! 

Onwards to Home Farm (Archers country?), southerly passed Rowfant House, and on into Hundred Acres (Winnie the Pooh?) - what's going on here?  We spied a big ,blue ,4xwheel drive thing abandoned in the bushes, complete with a brace of very out-of-date pheasants hanging on the back.  Sue gingerly crept round thinking we might be in a trap (too much James Bond going on), and Chris told her not to touch anything.  So we carried on and wondered while we wandered, just what all that was about.
Muddiness to be contended with and a few hilly bits.  Not long before we were routing for home too.   We came to a skip-hire depot, and marvelled ?? at all the different sizes these things come in.   An interesting tree caught Farty's eye, and the bark looked like elephant's skin. Great Nobs* was to our left, and straight ahead was the tiny hamlet of Crawley Down - we were home and nearly dry.
The pub was very empty and very quiet, but a table had been set aside and laid for us.  Sue had to go, but we stayed and ordered our various meals.  The menu was a little 'different' shall we say.  No fish and chips unless it's Friday and you are an o.a.p.  No chicken, no jacket spuds but some light bites looked tempting.  The burgers are cooked to one level only so nothing rare or even medium about them.  Don't really know what to say , and I suppose we shall return?

However, across the road shone Flanagans the butchers - who supply sausages to the pub, which Wind had ordered - very tasty but the skin was a bit tight - steady on.  After lunch we descended on the shop and bought several items - pronouncements on their quality and excellence will be sorted out by next week.  Then we re-descended on the fruit/veg pound land shop.  You should've seen the size of his cauliflowers - we did.  Again, we shall decide whether the stuff is any good after consumption, or should it be consummation has taken place.

Next week, Holland seems to be the desired venue for our walk.  We hope to see you there then - dankuvelt , and I'll have mine with a tulip thank you.

Aperfield Inn, South Street, Tatsfield

The  Lonesome Twosome go east!







Find: herd of deer
Walkers: FartyF & TB
Distance: 6 miles
Time: 3 1/4 hrs
(For a map of the walk please click here)
Having determined the pub did food all day the orphans set off at 11.25 (!) in a south westerly direction. Rolling hills, oddles of horses, sheep, but not many cows & not too much mud.
Joined the North Downs Way, turned east along 'millionaires row'.
Beautiful trees & leaf colour. Came out facing east and a magnificent view. it was hilly in parts and we decided to turn north walking through more woodlands. Some interesting fungi & woodpecker holes.
At Bombers farm chased by a horse while crossing a field. On speaking to the owner we heard she was an abused rescue horse with a large blister on her back. Good job we had our sticks! All was forgiven for her rearing up & frightening us. Further along spied a large herd of grazing deer in a valley. Thought they were being farmed. When they heard us they melted away into the woods. Turning west again made good progress back to the pub. Good food, reasonable prices, but somewhat slow service.

Next week, well tbc.....

Bye, Farty Fallover

Tandridge - The Barley Mow

Tuesday 30 October

Show Us Your Ghoulies

Walkers:  Farty, T.B., 4 Legs, Windy, Mrs Provincial, Lil and Clat.  Sally is in China , and we are pleased to report that baby Noah is making good progress. 
Distance: 7 1/2 miles
Find:  More horrible mud
  
Well, today was our Halloween walk, and some of the outfits which turned up were brilliant.  A selection of witches' hats, false noses, masks, head-gear and other adornments to be seen, with, I think, Mrs P having the most props about her personage - she even had a wand, which reminds me of a story about a gay bloke and his umbrella in New York.

Time for the off and once again, due to prompt arrivals we were able to depart at 1020 - an absolute record.  The previously miserable weather had cleared-up for us, and we walked with blue skies and sunshine, albeit it treacherously muddy underfoot.  We were heading East, and to some un-discovered patches to walk in.  Passing Southlands, which is a country house now converted into apartments, we entered some lovely leafy woods, and then came to Chris's catastrophe footbridge where she came a cropper before - but not today, as we used the ditch instead.
 
Over some very muddy fields and pathways and then a northerly direction on road, to Stocketts Manor, where a sign told us to stick to the designated pathways, so we didn't.  This is because of lakes of water with deep mud underneath, prevented our passage,  and Lil forged a path through thickets and thinnets to get us back to a drier pathway. Clat lost a hairslide here, but gallant T.B. found it - she later lost a hairband, and the gallant T.B. and Farty found it - what will she lose next?  Unfortunately you cannot find her marbles which she loses on a regular basis.  Let's continue shall we? 
More trekking over muddy fields to investigate a pub for maybe future use.  We found ourselves in Holland - and with no ferry in sight, we came to the pub - The Diamond.  As we approached, the door flew open and out burst the chef/landlord.  'Are you coming in then?' he asked - 'er no, but maybe another week.'  He gave us  a menu, told us we were welcome to park there, and couldn't be more welcoming - a real diamond geezer then?  While all this was going on, Sue and Chris took the opportunity of using their loos, and pronounced them clean and acceptable.

We turned round and headed down-lane before some more trekking - this time past Foyles Farm where they have the most glorious bulls - showing us some different kinds of ghoulies.  We were on the way home by now and the going was hard, due to the ever-present mud.  At one point a wire across our path, looked suspiciously like it was electric - so some careful clambering was performed - we didn't want to damage our lady and gentleman parts did we?  We asked after Windy's injury from last week - she told us her leg wasn't livid  any more - it was furious. 

We were home - into the pub - oh dear, no decorations, so , no atmosphere, and we felt a bit odd walking in with our witches gear, ready for a hag roast - ha ha ha ha ha.  The barmaid wasn't very welcoming, and told us straight away that the duck was off (could be a joke there), and only one portion of liver left - and we are very pleased to meet you, too.  The place was cold, another pub ruined by lack of ooomph and input.  We did our ordering - no, the place hasn't changed hands, and yes, the light menu was available but wasn't shown to us.  After twiddling her hair for a bit, and mooning over the till, our food was fetched and served.  Heavily salted and not that nice for some - Chris and Sue had to assemble their own wraps, Windy said her gammon was tough (another joke there somewhere?), but Mrs P liked her cod - good job someone was happy.

The lady in question then borrowed Windy's Daily Mail, which she always supplies T.B with, due to his lack of interest in what we ladies talk about - fair enough.  She wanted to look at her horoscope which today would have said that a career in the pub industry would  not be an ideal choice.  Mrs P then distributed some wonderful Halloween chocs, so after eating a few ghosts and pumpkins (thank you sooooooo much),  and for the glorious flapjacks too.  Sorry to say, Mrs P will be venturing back to her erection soon, we shall miss her, and can't wait for her return - bon voyage and adieu.  We paid up and cleared off.  Don't think this will be a venue for the future, however, we have Holland to explore, so the clogs are out, and the tulip bulbs are planted - Skol!!! Next week?

Rusper - The Star

Tuesday 23 October

Slip-Sliding Awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Walkers:  Farty, T.B. - safely returned from their travels. 2 Legs, Windy, Lil and Clat.
Sue has gone to the chopper shop, Mrs P is buying linen for her erection - we forgot to mention that she has a lovely new thatch in S.A., which 'although is virginal and blonde at the moment, will sadly go black with age, as the bugs fall out.'  We have a lot to look forward to - she must resist trying to scratch it. Sally was coming for lunch, but due to her great nephew being poorly, could not make it - God speed and all our best wishes to you and yours, Sally.

Find of the Walk: masses and masses of  thick and sticky mud
Distance: 7 miles - which took over 3 hours today, due to above.

We gathered on a dank, miserable and foggy day - we are such gluttons for punishment, however, due to good time-keeping, we were booted and off before 1030 - well done.  Farty was sporting her new Berghaus rucsack - a fantastic bargain at £1, and came complete with a silver cover, which made it look like a fully-inflated smokehood reminiscent of our flying days.  So, SEP complete, we set off, following the smokehood.
The Sussex Border Path today, and although we were in many woods, the paths were deep and thick with mud, which made walking heavy-going, and treacherous.  The stiles and footbridges particularly, were mega slippery and great care was taken with them.  Horsegills Wood first, a few farms later, and then we crossed the A24.  After the break (as they say on the Beeb), we found ourselves in a field with two very frisky horses.  Reluctant to carry on, but no other way round, T.B. very bravely 'tested the water', and found it to be quite safe - but once again, we didn't half speed up here. We also found a llamas but  they were safely fenced-in - wonder if they'd prefer Peru?

The stiles were getting worse - Windy managed to graze her inside leg* and had quite a swelling* later on, and those with longer legs, took to straddling these wooden creations, resulting in mossy gussets.  Windy warned us that algae might creep in - but it was none of his business - tee hee.
The dreaded cowage then presented itself, and us cow-oooerds decided to deviate into another field.  All was going well until Lil was felled by a felled tree.  She was downed in a trice, with her legs wrapped-round the trunk - but the ground was spongy and accommodating - like someone I used to know - but I digress, and after a quick bout of laughter, we resumed.

By now the going was getting heavy, and the skies gave us constant misty drizzle, so it was heads down and homeward. However we did come across some huge fungi, gorgeous rosehips, and pretty cobweb formations in the grass - ahhh. - that's all you get in the waxing lyrical dept.
Finally we were back - trench foot and wet feet all round, which for Wind, had to remain that way, cos she forgot her shoes.   We entered  the Star, which was packed today.  Lunch finishes at 230 so we made it with 15mins to spare.  Good food , good service, and good heavens - is that the time?

Next week - outfits to the fore and we shall assemble at Tandridge to spook our way round the route.  I shall practice my screaming - T.B., I know what you would prefer - heh heh heh heh heh

Monferran-Plavès, S W France

Allez vous...

We were only in France for 6 days, but we thought a few pictures of our trip might give you a bit of a flavour:
 2 of Jane & Rob's 3 cats ( Biff and Bella) were considerably underwhelmed to meet us! Later on we didn't inspire any more action either. However, Biff did come walking with us.

The local supermarket seemed very accommodating until we looked a bit closer. Everything still closes for a 2-hour lunch break including the supermarket


Dogs didn't fare very well in the 'lav' stakes being forbidden to 'dejection' in a lot of places.

 The following are photos in no particular order showing some of the local very small town and the rest of the estate

Nearest hamlet-a church and a few houses