Staffhurst Wood - The Royal Oak

Tuesday 20 August

Make Hay While The Sun Shines

Walkers:  Farty, T.B. , 8 Legs, Windy, Lil and Clat

Distance: 6.25 miles
Seeing as how Farty has "gazillions of new walks" she wants to try, we find ourselves in this delightful neck of the woods.  A beautiful spot, quiet and rural, and full of walks.  We went clockwise - as they say on the M25, and were straight into peaceful and verdant (get that) woods.  Careful checking throughout this route as we don't want to get lost, and we meandered through some gorgeous countryside, the skies were blue, the sun out, big-time, and the harvesting was at its peak.  In fact we spotted several big bits of farming machinery, andJohn Deere certainly is spread thickly in these parts, which is probably what they will be doing afterwards, as it will soon be silage season - you ought to smell the pong where I live.  Moving on ...
Some of the farmers it seems, like to warn us that there is a bull in the
field, and to lock the gates, thus leaving very high stiles cum fences for us to climb over, and overgrown hedges  to be burst through. We did spot a cluster of cattle in one corner, but if the bull was in with them, he would be too knackered to do anything to us, but the speed with which Chris crosses these fields is worth a gold in anyone's book.  When sheep get bonked, it's called tupping, so this might be the true meaning of Tupperware parties.  Moving on again....
We spent most of our time on the Vanguard Way, which did catch us out once or twice, but due to our careful scrutiny, meant disaster was averted.  We found lots of pretty cottages and smallholdings, one of
which had some delightful pygmy goats and some coffee-coloured sheep ,
a sort of mocha mutton look - ha ha ha ha ha.
This pub shuts up shop at 3pm so we needed to get back pronto - and we did! The menu was not as varied as hoped, and most of us ordered Staffordshire oatcakes which were stuffed .  Quite stodgy and not that digestible either.  However, T.B. deemed his fish and chips as quite perfect, and Farty's steak pudding was fine.  We have decided to start scoring again:  Ambulance - 4, Food -3 (not that much choice, and no salads), Value For Money - 4, Service - 4.

So, that's it until next week - enjoy your bank holidays everyone.

Ashurstwood - Three Crowns

Ashurstwood - Three Crowns

Tues 13th August

Bottoms up.  The famous five go forth (plus Minnie). Title courtesy of Chris.

 

Walkers:Eight legs,Farty,TB,Wind

Distance:6 miles

Find of the walk: A kitchen sink!

We met up at the Three Crowns car park.  Farty and TB were slightly delayed due to roadworks.  No surprise there as most roads are being dug up at the moment.  

We were soon on our way and for once the weather was perfect.  Sunny,a few whispy clouds,not too hot,wet,cold,snowy.  Honestly,we don't ask for much.  All started well until we found ourselves struggling through a bramble infested footpath.  Farty has had a leg lassooed by one of these before,so we trod carefully.  Passing through a rather dilapidated farm we noticed a sturdy woman farmer chopping wood with a rather frightening machine.  We carefully skirted round.  On our return we met her again and Sue and Chris got chatting.  Turns out she used to breed poodles (well not personally) and she and  Sue and Chris had mutual friends in doggy circles.  Small world.  Chris's cow antennae were twitching,and sure enough there was a field full of them. We ran through at full pelt.  You could practically hear the Benny Hill music.  Unfortunately in our haste we had taken completely the wrong turn and had to return to the field,but luckily the cows were busy munching grass,facing away from us bottoms akimbo.

Their best side,muttered Chris.  We passed Stoke Brunswick,14th

Homestall 1938

century former school,made up of The Homestall and 16th century Dutton Hall,a picture of which was in the pub.  Now a wedding venue.  Often the way.  This is very much cow and sheep country.  We don't mind the sheep,despite their constant weeing and pooing - we make them nervous. Two huge baby sheep were feeding from a poor skinny mother.  Farty said she looked like a deflated balloon.  Further on was a magnificent fully equipped horny ram,huge curly things - and his horns.  He was sharing a field with another rather worried looking sheep.  Well he was a big boy.  His owner was attacking mole hills.  Chris showed a keen interest.  We went a bit off track after this and unfortunately ended up in someone's garden,containing a plastic cow with three legs.  My favourite kind,said Chris.  We were searching for a bridge over a stream.  Easy enough you would think.  Wrong!  Fortunately Tonto and the Lone Ranger(Sue and Minnie) used their scouting skills and found it.  The signage wasn't good today.  Homeward bound now,and passing Great Water Farm,we noticed the welcoming sign "Trespassers will be shot,and survivors will be shot again".  We didn't hang about. 

Soon we were back at the pub and TB was ordering a pint of Ameretto.  Eh? Bit sickly we thought, not his usual tipple.  Actually it was Italian Moretti beer.  The menu was huge, with normal menu and specials.  Some hours later,we made our choice.  The young couple behind the bar were very patient, resisting any eye rolling.  The young guy was a particularly cute "young man" and some of us were becoming a bit Kathy Burkish. Ugh!  The food was good,although Chris ordered steak pie which had run out,ordered turkey pie and mash and got chips then the turkey pie ran out and Farty switched to fish pie. Still we liked the toilets, and Sue was impressed with the positioning of the loo roll.  We're easily pleased really!  While we waited for the food, a health and safety bloke was bizarely checking the smoke alarm above our table using a gadget which blew smoke into it.  Don't you just press the red button, Chris wondered?  

Time to give TB the Daily Mail,his favourite paper!  It featured a story about a PC who kept his job despite having sex on duty with a married woman, because he was in control of his weapon at all times due to it being in his holster attached to his trousers which were round his ankles......Here we go.  Cue inevitable ribald remarks.  Cocky sod,cocked weapons, he may have been in control of his magnum,but what about his luger, etc etc. We can't help ourselves.  TB was particularly tickled by this, and so was the married woman.  Chris and I ordered a coffee as it was free for oaps.  (I still can't believe I'm writing this), and they didn't bat an eyelid.  Honestly, how old do we look?!  

Next week's venue could be Ashfold Crossways, Warnham, Bletchingly, or somewhere else.  Watch this space!  Love Wend xx

Staplefield - The Victory

Tuesday 5 August

Sue's Selebratory Stepping Sircuit

Yes, I know the spelling is wrong, but I am trying to flow here.

Walkers:  Farty, T.B., 4 Legs, Windy, Lil, Clat and, (drum roll)  Mrs P!  Another trip to S.A. is on the cards, and she's had nyala - they will eat out of your hand instead of eating your hand, and giraffes, in her front garden.  They have very long and blue tongues - reminds me of an ex of mine.  Carry on ...
Find of the Walk:  a black woollen cardigan with zip - up..
Distance: 7.8 miles
Find of the walk (not much): a pullie!
It's been ages since we last walked, and there has been c.b.a., and weather challenges to set us back yet again.  However, today was bright and clear, o.k. temperatures, and no rain - hoooooorah.  This pub is delightful, set on the village green , complete with cricket pitch, and some gas men digging a big hole.  The surrounding countryside is very pretty, very varied, and very quiet - hooooooorah.

We set off - the others are convinced Clat has been here before and she thinks definitely not.  However, we did the circuit in an anti-clockwise direction and were straight into open countryside.   We passed many farms and tracks, and noted that the crops have nearly all been gathered in.  Bit muddy in parts, and no dangerous livestock to get round either.

At one point we were deafened by the sound of thousands of ducks who were in and around a pond - a positive tsunami of them.  There must be some very wealthy conservative mps around these parts is all I can say.  In fact, further on, we found another one, crammed full of quackerses - or whatever the collective name is for them.
Frequent stops were made for refreshments, and Mrs P was told she had been sadly missed as she produced another collection of delicious flapjacks.  We plotted and checked our route carefully, uphill and down dale, and over footbridges in ravines and woody promenades - beautiful walking weather.  Round these parts some houses have roofs made from Horsham stone - er, 'where does that come from then?' - er Horsham?  Any questions and Windy can fill you in on the history on this and other things.

After Ditton School, which doesn't look like one, we eventually veered southwards and back to the green, passing the ornamental hippo complete with sunglasses and cap.  The words 'victory in sight' were uttered, as we found ourselves back at the Green ready for lunch.

The more-than-helpful landlady was very welcoming, and had laid a table for us, so all we had to do was drift in and sit down.  The menu is fab, and so is the food.  Most of us had a Cobb salad with a home-made dressing and some french fries too.  Farty and Mrs P had scotch eggs made from smoked haddock and mash with oeuf inside, and a curry sauce - better tell the gas men to watch out in case they come across another big hole - a man-made one!
We toasted Sue's health and birthday things, and even had a quiz.  Farty and T.B. are elated that the council are no longer putting a bollard and yellow lines outside their house, but instead have given their tree a pollard instead.  She informed us that a woodpecker's brain stays still while it's hammering hell out of a tree - amazing what we learn on our days out.

This day was nearly over, so we left and set compasses for our various locations.  Next week Lil and Clat will be in Portsmouth pretending to do a lot of walking (we do actually do quite a lot), so the nod will come from Mon.  Let's hope that from now on we can walk a bit more regularly than we do do.Ta ta. xxx