Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Reigate - Skimmington Castle



Reigate - Skimmington Castle
Tuesday 29 October

Bridge Under Troubled Waters and a real T.B.

Walkers: Farty, T.B., 8 Legs, Windy,  Mrs P., another Mrs P.,  - Lil and Clat - wow a full house
Distance: Less than 5 miles
Find of the Walk: a route which wasn't blocked or flooded.


How marvellous, so many of us gathered and ready for action . What a gathering, what a job for T.B. - all these women - how will he cope?  After many weeks of bits and bobs of us, we were finally en masse, and ready for action. It's been a while since we were all together, what with one thing and another, and last week was off, due to the weather, and Farty and T.B. were at a funeral that day anyway.  The other Mrs P, is Jane, who has walked with us before.

Farty was sporting her brand new boots, kindly fitted by Dan, who ran his hands over her feet and ankles, and up and down her legs (50 shades of hey).  After an hour of this, she left the shop (or was she asked to leave?),.. with her purchase, and today is not the best for trying to keep them clean.  Clat is brandishing her new water bottle (a considered QVC purchase), which has already been likened to a colostomy bag, but it has a useful clip on it.

The recent near-hurricane and heavy rains have left their mark, so it was time to go see what the results were.  We were immediately entrenched in mud - a good christening for das boots, and headed westwards, over sodden grounds and lots of fallen trees and branches.  A locked gate then told us that our normal route was now out of action, and we had to find a way round, which kind of took us the wrong way, and we ended up near the river.  This is where we found that the bridge was submerged, the area looking like a mangrove swamp,  so a turning round was performed, which meant straddling a metal gate - talk about assault course. 
Here we bumped into two chaps walking their dogs, and told them their intended passage wasn't possible.  We had quite a chat, then discovered one of them really did have initials of T.B. - and the number 3 on his baseball cap - I don't know either. Our route altered, we then chanced upon a huge oak which had toppled from its once glorious splendour and been reduced to a wreck, and amongst this we found a man.  He had been sent to dismantle said tree, and was displaying an array of chain saws.  Apparently,  these were not big enough for the job, and he had had to order a 36" one - "but don't tell the wife".  He was on an hourly rate, and in no hurry to finish the job, or even start it, for that matter.  We left him to it, came upon a range of farm buildings, which contained 8 labrador retrievers, having a grand old time, and were allowed to view 10 puppies , only a month old.  Farty informed us that bitches (don't go there), have 8 nipples, so what happens to the other pups?  This word is also another term for bosoms in some circles.  Confused?  I hope so. 

We had a refreshment break - Mrs P produced some wonderful flapjacks, Minnie displayed her paw nails painted in poodle pink and looked marvellous against her black fur, and T.B. said he had been to see a specialist "The King of the Penis", who asked him if he was taking precautions, as, in our age group, sexual diseases are on the rise (if you'll pardon the pun).  I take precautions - I always look 3 times before I cross the road - ha ha ha ha ha.

We approached a part of Reigate golf course - ladies day today, and we were waved through
by  a woman with two plums in her mouth, judging by her accent, and came to a windmill which had been de-bladed.  Eventually we were back at  the pub, and the intention was to do a figure of 8, which meant that some walkers could break off here, and the others could carry on.  Well, as it happens, everyone stopped , hence the short mileage - the temptation for lunch (for some!) was too strong.

The publican lady was very accommodating and helpful.  It was busy so we had to sit at two separate tables, but soon connected, once the bloke at the middle table had finished his cheese board. Provincial Mrs P then got her i pad out and showed us some marvellous pics of her African abode, with her many visitors - nyala, rhinos, big birds, a giraffe (they have very long and blue tongues, which reminds me of an ex) and told us that a hyena arrived whilst she was having a bath. Badedas has a different effect out there apparently.

Windy showed us a clipping of an ex BCAL girl who appeared in yesterday's Daily Mail - accusing a golfer of cheating, by all accounts - it's amazing what we get to talk about.  However, the food was gorgeous - piping hot, tasty, and plenty of it.  Full marks all round I reckon, and eventually we departed and headed for home. 
Next week, we shall probably go to Tandridge - see you there, then!

No comments:

Post a Comment